I wrote this paper in 2008 for my Master’s degree colloquim. The topic was mysticism, so I decided to write about pain as a mystical experience in relation to the movie Fight Club. Enjoy.

Fight Club Paper


My paper on Judas I wrote last year. I’m not sure why I am posting it now. Enjoy

Our Patron Saint

I felt like writing some quasi-mystical bullshit, so here goes. 

The Unperfected Many

You have heard it said that all men want to go to heaven, but don’t want to do what it takes to get there.

I say that all men work to go to heaven, but when they get there, they find that they do not want to be there. In the quest to be good we only rationalize what we think, do, believe, as a means to an end. If our intentions are good and we find ourselves doing well, we believe in ourselves, in our ability to be human. He who believes in himself says, “See what I have done, Lord? I am a better person for what I do, and I know it must please you.”

Yet, if I believe in God, and in his truth, I live out his kingdom, and the means becomes the end. I do not feed the homeless because it will grant me favor with God … I do it because I am part of the kingdom. I have no choice but to do so, because if I do not do onto the least of our brothers, I have already condemned myself, as I have no love for God, only for myself. To live in the kingdom is to not love yourself, it is to love your neighbor and God, which denies your importance in the world. Yet we are all selfish beings, and we all, great and small, work for our own ends. We are the unperfected many.

But in the presence of God, of almighty truth and light, the unperfected many are exposed. In God there can be no sin, no darkness. When we stand before him and the light surrounds us, we at that point must contend with who we truly are: a sinner. All our deeds will come out of the darkness of our souls and into the light of Christ. And for that brief moment, when our sin surrounds us, and starts to drown us, we must make a choice … do we deny our darkness, our fallenness, and surround ourselves with the shell of a life we have created up to that point? Or do we admit who we truly are, a being of darkness, the chief of sinners and accept our whole self, our whole life, light and shadow, life and death, and know we fall short of the glory of God, no matter where we are on the ladder of ascent.  And the proud man, the arrogant man, he will say, “Surely not me, Lord.” And he will separate himself from the love of God, so that he may love himself. Imperfect love does not suffice for eternity, and soon the agony will overtake him as fire comes over the brush. But the humble man, the man who has found the true light, will say, “It is I.” And by accepting the truth we are admitted into the divine truth, the infinite love, majesty and glory of the Lord, and become one of the perfected many.

Our judgment is our own. Our death is our own. God loves us so much he will allow us to damn ourselves before forcing us to return his love to his divine face. And that should be our greatest fear, not that God will damn us to hell, but that we will love ourselves so much that we will choose our own love over his. But when we see his face we will know … because we will have either seen his face in our life, or we will have not. You cannot love what you have not seen. And we will have truly seen his face, if we have seen it in our neighbors, in our enemies, and in our friends. And when we see the face of Christ, we will either see God and be transfigured and perfected by his glory, or we will not see him at all, and fall in the ruin of our own, imperfect love.

Give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good, alleluia.
For his mercy endures forever, alleluia.